Oh wow, I’m going to be okay. I wasn’t sure for a minute, but I’m going to be okay.
I just finished a session of laughing at myself in front of the mirror. I haven’t really looked at myself in the mirror today. It’s been an anxiety-inducing week, and I’ve spent most of the day on the computer, on the phone, and taking care of my kids, one of whom is sick with what I believe is evolving into the flu. The one time I attempted to take a shower, the deputy showed up to pick up the second police statement report I had to fill out this week. Yes, I said second.
So, when I finally took a moment to glance at my reflection as I prepared for bed this evening, it made me smile very, very big. You see, I am wearing the same clothes I wore yesterday. I slept in them, because I legitimately didn’t know if I was going to need to get up in the middle of the night and call the police (again) or remove myself and my children to a safer location. My makeup from yesterday is still on as well, in a manner of speaking. It has gravitated somewhat down my face and now resembles more of the zombie raccoon look. And my hair. Half of it has managed to stay in the ponytail, and the other half of my copious naturally curly locks are channeling Medusa in all her snaky spiral halo glory.
This would be funny all on its own, but today I’ve had many guests. The deputy, who came twice, three of my neighbors, my landlord, and the Schwan’s man, all of whom came to visit me and ended up instead with zombie raccoon Medusa lady. And this made me even happier.
The biggest reason I laughed, though, was because, when I looked at zombie raccoon Medusa lady, I saw radiant beauty. No kidding, I looked into those weary, dark-circled eyes, and thought, “Dang, you’re beautiful.” Then I smiled, and Pow! there she was. Zombie raccoon Medusa lady is magnificent. She is powerful and glorious and she can do this life. She can overcome her anxieties and fears and greet them with a smile on her face and laughter in her eyes. She knows that today is just today, that she can only control herself and her reactions to whatever life gives her, and that right now, she chooses to laugh.
Plus, if anybody pisses her off, she can just turn them into stone.