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Before a Fall

Proverbs 16:18 “It’s hard to be humble when you’re as great as I am.” I remember reading that quote over and over again growing up. My dad had a pencil holder with that quote etched along the side of it. It’s facetious, of course, and I always knew that, but it’s applicable to so many. […]

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Today

Today, I really need to grade papers. Today, I really need to clean my house. Today, I really need to get my son to school. Today, I really need to have had a good night’s sleep. Today, none of those things will happen because today, we are traumatized. Today, my brain is fried, my emotions […]

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Killing with Kindness

Someone tried to take my voice again last night. He didn’t realize what he was doing. He was trying to help, to smooth things over, to find some middle ground and help things out so everyone could move forward. I understand he was trying to do good things. But that does not mean I will […]

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Lots of Things

Lots of things. Life gets really big sometimes. Adjustments are hard for anyone. Divorce is traumatic for anyone. Teaching is strenuous for anyone. Add in mental illness and extra trauma and life gets really big with lots of things. We ended off our summer with a bang. The kids and I went to Las Vegas […]

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Lessons

I’m shifting out of it, now. The fear has dissipated. The frustration has ebbed. My desires now stem from wanting to do and be better instead of basic survival. I’m glad. I keep trying to do this life in absolutes. I keep trying to find the¬†fix, the solution, the end to the fear. I keep […]

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Holes

Moment to moment. That’s how I’m living right now. It used to be one day at a time. That’s too long. Moment to moment. I’m not sure why. I’m tired of trying to figure it out. I currently live in a world of extremes. He’s attacking and on the prowl, stalking me and wanting the […]

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She is Me

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Too many bad days in a row. He’s been on the attack too many days in a row. He demands too much. He expects everything from everyone and recognizes the boundaries and feelings of no one. The kids have learned they have a choice. They’ve learned they have a voice. They are making themselves heard. […]

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Trust

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Feeling very weary today. I had to report him, yet again. I hate doing it. I hate making him accountable. I’ve always sucked at doing so and it hasn’t gotten any easier. He needs help. He needs to be forced into treatment. He is so sick and his mind is gone and I don’t know […]

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Screaming

He took my voice again. Today, I prepared for a hearing wherein I was going to present evidence to protect my children. I had multiple witnesses, piles of evidence. I was ready. And then he took my voice. Again. I sat there for two hours while he spewed his lies across the stand, so thick […]

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Authentic

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Yesterday, I had a monstrous anxiety attack, the longest and most severe I’ve had thus far. The thing literally took my breath away, took my brain function away, took my choice away. I hated it. I hated every moment of it and fought hard to end it. Not until I gave in and processed and […]

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