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I Can

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I got to practice today. I got to practice ignoring the “I can’t.” That’s one of those lies we tell ourselves all the time. “I can’t do this anymore.” “I can’t handle this life.” “I can’t get through this trial.” All of those lies. I got to practice ignoring them today. When I stop listening […]

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Anything

self love

This morning I laid in bed long after I was actually awake. I prayed and read and checked my social media, just enjoying the lack of responsibilities that would force me up and about. My children came to join me, and we visited while we stared up at the ceiling, giggling about inside jokes and […]

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Silent, Never More

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You’ve got the words to change a nation but you’re biting your tongue You’ve spent a lifetime stuck in silence afraid you’ll say something wrong If no one ever hears it, how we gonna learn your song? So come on come on, come on come on You’ve got a heart as loud as lions so […]

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Atlas

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So, depression is new. I thought I’d experienced it before. I had a shrink tell me once a few years ago that I suffered from situational depression. I only went to her the one time because she immediately tried to push meds on me and I was not interested in heading that direction. I don’t […]

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Raven and Writing Desk

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“Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk? I’m frightened. I don’t like it in here, it’s terribly crowded. Have I gone mad?”  “I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret… all the best people are.” –Mad Hatter and Alice Crowded, too busy, not busy enough. That’s […]

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Eventually

I am analyzing again. I think that’s a good sign. But I’ve been noticing people lately. I get stopped, frequently, by friends and neighbors and sometimes strangers asking me how I’m doing. It’s a small town. Word gets around. There are all different kinds of people, of course, but it seems the people I speak […]

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Strong and Fearless

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Strength and fearlessness– two of the most overrated human qualities I have encountered thus far. I’ve mentioned before how courage is a more desirable quality than fearlessness. Fear is meant to keep us safe. It can be healthy and helpful if managed wisely. I want to be courageous, not fearless. I want to have the […]

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Normal

I am more normal now than I believe I ever have been in my life. I attend a trauma survivor support group, and at our first meeting we were given a two-sided paper of common trauma symptoms and asked to check off each of the symptoms we had been experiencing. I checked off all but […]

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Spinning

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I felt myself slipping into a dark place. Every day feels like forever to me. This week has lasted a lifetime. I only felt myself slipping for about a day-and-a-half, but that was a very long time. Too long. Long enough to make me afraid of me a little bit. My judgment isn’t super great […]

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Event Horizon

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I don’t know how to do this life. I really don’t. Right now, I feel fully insane, spinning and spinning and running and fighting and soaring and falling and hiding. Right now, I’m hiding. The kids and I have been hiding out from him since Monday. Oh, how I wish I was joking. How I […]

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